I Stand All Amazed

Carissimi,

What this week lacked in pictures, pizza, and sunshine, it made up for in spirituality! I'll also see most of you in a week, so you can see my face then😁

I had a wonderful experience yesterday during Sacrament Meeting as I played the piano. I had picked out the classic "We Thank thee o God for a Prophet," one of the simpler hymns to play, for the opening song, and everything went fairly well. Mistakes here and there, but for the most part despite a lack of practice it sounded halfway decent. Then came the sacrament hymn. I had chosen one of my personal favorites, "I Stand All Amazed," or in Italian, "Attonito Resto," yet had grossly overestimated my ability to play the song, and that was evident as I stumbled through the intro. Finally we arrived to the first verse, and the congregation hesitantly began singing along. This gave me confidence, as the piano became less audible, and I started focusing less on hitting wrong notes, and more on what the song had come to mean to me.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

As I sat there playing, I literally felt confused. Why in the world would my Savior, Jesus Christ, literally suffer, bleed, and die for me? What had I done to merit such a priceless gift? I thought of the line from President Faust's "This is the Christ," which says "How many drops of blood were shed for me?" I continued on to the second verse.

I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

Nana always said, "There is not a bribe sweet enough or punishment strong enough to deter Christian from doing his will or accomplishing what he wants." I am that soul, so rebellious and proud. Yet he extends his unending, unconditional love with "pierced palms, and scarred wrists," as Elder Holland once described them.

Music has played a large role in spiritual experiences throughout my life, and yesterday morning was a continuation, an affirmation of such. As I plunked out the third verse, again I was touched. I sat there playing wrong note after wrong note, missing flats and naturals alike, and yet the world did not cease to spin, nobody told me after the meeting that I should never play again, in fact, many thanked me for playing. I was reminded of Brad Wilcox's classic, "His Grace is Sufficient." He said something to the effect of, "we don't tell the amateur pianist he can't keep playing the piano when he hits a wrong note. There aren't just two options when it comes to the pianist, Carnegie Hall or giving up. Why do we see this so clearly when it comes to learning the piano, yet fail to do so when it comes to grace. We are not earning heaven, we are learning heaven."

Elder Lynn G. Robbins spoke to a similar effect in this last conference, as he taught of those learning new languages, who make thousands of errors, maybe even a million before desired fluency is attained. For now, I'm still in that thousands of errors stage, both concerning Italian, and the more important language of the Spirit. Yet I learned as I played the piano that those errors are inconsequential in the grand scheme of the heavenly symphony. Our Maestro is ever patient, and as C.S. Lewis once wrote, "Is even pleased with our mistakes."

An hour before the meeting, as I completed personal study, I read the words spoken years ago by then Elder Boyd K. Packer;

"I cannot with composure tell you how I feel about the Atonement. It touches the deepest emotion of gratitude and obligation. My soul reaches after Him who wrought it, this Christ, our Savior of whom I am a witness. I testify of Him. He is our Lord, our Redeemer, our advocate with the Father. He ransomed us with His blood. Humbly I lay claim upon the atonement of Christ."

Like Elder Packer, I'm doing my best to lay claim upon the Atonement of Christ, through daily repentance, and gradual change. I know I'm gonna hit wrong notes along the way, because I'm writing my own Magnum Opus, and fortunately it's not finished yet.

"No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.

Oh, [Christ's Atonement] is wonderful, wonderful to me!"

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

See you Sunday!✌

Anziano Toronto II 🇮🇹